Improving self-esteem is one of the most powerful ways to reduce social anxiety. Many people in my social anxiety groups agree that low self-esteem and social anxiety go hand in hand. In this review of Self-esteem: The Ultimate Program for Self-help you’ll learn all about self-esteem, why it matters, and how its strategies can help support recovery from social anxiety.
What This Book is About
This book does not mention social anxiety. Instead, it explains what self-esteem is, why people might have low self-esteem, and most importantly how to improve your self-esteem.
Low self-esteem makes you harshly judge yourself, even to the point of self-rejection. That mirrors social anxiety – the fear of being judged or rejected by others. With low self-esteem, you don’t even need someone else’s criticism because your own inner voice is already doing the job. The authors call the negative inner voice that attacks and judges you the critic.
The critic shows up in certain predictable patterns called cognitive distortions. Understanding them is central to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). You’ll learn to recognize the critic’s attacks and fight back.
How Self Esteem: The Ultimate Program for Self-help Helped me with Social Anxiety
I went back and looked at some of the passages I underlined a long time ago:
“ Feeling good about yourself is not something you do after all mistakes have been corrected – it’s something you do in spite of mistakes.”
Many people with social anxiety struggle with perfectionism. If you believe you must be perfect to be accepted, you’re stuck in an impossible trap. This book shows you how to escape it.
“ Sometimes the critic hits you with words and images of past mistakes or failures. Sometimes he doesn’t use words or images. The thought arrives as an awareness, a knowledge, an impression. The criticism is so lighting quick that it seems beyond the scope of language.”
Anyone with social anxiety has felt the pain of that out-of-the-blue intense feeling of shame. The incident could have been months or even years ago. Now it’s back, to keep you in your place and avoid similar situations. This book’s main strength is teaching you how to fight back against this critic.
But the most useful thing I ever did to beat social anxiety was an exercise in this book. It’s called the Self-concept inventory. You’ll learn how to get accurate perceptions of your strengths and weaknesses and view them neutrally. This neutral part is essential – social anxiety gold. Some people will advise you to think positively about yourself. That can be helpful but can also lead to the trap where your self-esteem depends on being better than someone else. Viewing yourself neutrally and objectively is more useful. This book gives you a step-by-step process for doing just that.
What I Liked (Pros)
- Complete guide to improving self-esteem, which I believe is critical to overcoming social anxiety
- Extensive information on cognitive distortions (CBT) – spotting them and combatting them
- Helpful for understanding how to handle mistakes, criticism from other people, and learning assertiveness
- Very important information for those who still struggling, or also struggling with other types of pain
- There is a nice final chapter on helping children build self-esteem
Cons About Using Self Esteem: The Ultimate Program for Self-help for Social Anxiety
- It is not specifically for people with social anxiety.
- Some people with social anxiety insist that they do not have low self-esteem and this book will not directly address them
This Book is Best For People Who:
- know their social anxiety is rooted in low self-esteem
- want to understand how to improve self-esteem
- are willing to complete the exercises in the book
- want to better understand themselves and view themselves and others with more compassion
Where to Get It
If this sounds like the right fit, you can check it out here on Amazon.
Disclosure: This is an affiliate link. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases, at no extra cost to you.
Final Thoughts
I wanted to write this review of Self-Esteem: The Ultimate Program for Self-help because it was a game-changer for me. As one of the first books I read to help me overcome social anxiety it built the foundation for my own journey and for my social anxiety self-help groups.
