Is recovery from social anxiety disorder really possible? You may not think so if you’re scrolling through any social anxiety forum on social media. Many people feel discouraged or have even given up hope. So many people have been struggling for years and feel they haven’t made any progress. It’s true that online forums tend to appeal more to people who are still in the thick of their issues. People who have made progress tend to move on. That makes success stories underrepresented on social media and the majority of posts are asking for advice and support. So I wanted to share a few things that took me years to learn.
How I struggled with social anxiety
I’ve lived with social anxiety for over 40 years and tried just about every approach you can imagine.
First, I tried avoidance. That definitely didn’t work. It only increased my anxiety about unavoidable situations, and my social skills declined.
Then I tried denial. Just pretend I don’t have social anxiety and try to hide it. That didn’t work.
I tried over-compensating – be extra nice, excessively generous, overly polite – this will make people like me. Not only didn’t that work, it had the opposite effect. It didn’t feel genuine to other people or to me.
On the positive side, I tried meditation, goal setting, challenging negative thoughts, etc. I could make myself feel better for a little while but nothing stuck. Again and again, I’d try something, give up when I didn’t see results, and move on to the next thing. This cycle continued for years.
My turning point with social anxiety
Eventually, I learned a hard lesson: there are no shortcuts to overcoming social anxiety.
SAD is incredibly resilient. It’s not just a single feeling, belief, or personality trait; it’s a whole system of interconnected thoughts, beliefs, emotions, experiences, and habits designed to protect us from social threats. And when you fight SAD, it fights back. If you’ve ever tried exposure therapy and felt your anxiety spike or challenged a negative thought only to have it reinforced by ten others, you’ve seen this firsthand.
The real turning point for me was shifting my mindset from fighting anxiety to building a meaningful life. For years, I believed that I had to eliminate SAD before I could move forward. But was that really true?
Exactly what I did to overcome social anxiety disorder
I decided that I wouldn’t search for a cure anymore. Instead, I would start a daily practice that focused on figuring out what truly mattered to me and taking small steps toward it. By “practice”, I mean I devoted time to it every day. I put it on my calendar. I scheduled around it. I committed to showing up no matter what. I thought about how bodybuilders endure painful workouts for months before seeing results or how learning any new skill involves repeated failures. Like going to the gym, the hardest part was showing up. But once I stopped treating it as “therapy” and instead saw it as simply a part of my life, everything changed.
At first, progress was slow, but I could feel that moving toward what mattered to me was its own reward. After some experimenting, my practice evolved to include:
- Identifying my core values
- Setting meaningful goals (I use “SMART” goals)
- Challenging my negative thoughts
- Practicing mindfulness to detach from my thoughts
- Gradual exposure
- Journaling to keep track of my successes
Strategy for overcoming social anxiety disorder
This is all part of an overall strategy. For example, for an anxious situation like a social event, I would approach it in 3 phases:
- Preparation before using all of the above
- Mindful attending during the event
- Post-event de-briefing, focusing on successes!
As I kept going, I noticed real changes, not just in my anxiety but in my overall sense of purpose. And just like SAD is a resilient system, so was my practice once it became a way of life. The different elements reinforced each other. For example, challenging negative thoughts helped me take on bigger exposure exercises, and having compelling goals made it easier to tolerate discomfort.
I know the journey with SAD can feel overwhelming. You don’t have to wait for your anxiety to disappear before you start living your life. Start small, be consistent, and keep moving toward what matters.
Recovery from social anxiety disorder does not mean never feeling any anxiety. In fact, I prefer not to think in terms of “recovery” because it is a continual journey. You do not need to be “recovered” to live a meaningful life and that is the most important thing to understand.
In future posts, I will break down all of the above steps so you can read more about what I did.
Thank you so much for reading.
Read more about my story here.
